Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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