I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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