Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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