We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
