I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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