have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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