he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
