Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
