I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
