just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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