Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
