I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
