I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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