He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
