I heard we made out
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
