dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
