Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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