Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
