The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
