oh god the rape fog is back!
I have demons in me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
