4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
