Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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