By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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