K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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