just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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