Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
