my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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