im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
