thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
