she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You brought string cheese to the strip club
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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