Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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