I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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