Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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