Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
