i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize