im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
