i just had sex bonerless
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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