A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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