Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
