just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
