No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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