have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
