Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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