All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
