i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
