I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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