Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
