We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize