also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
