is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
