More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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