he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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