Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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