I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
