Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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