I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
