walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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