It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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