in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
