put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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