it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
