guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
