listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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