The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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