How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize