just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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