My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
