Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
